I think it was end of April… all I know is the lilics were in full bloom in the back garden. And I was around 5 weeks into an all time flunk. Like I guess many were.
The gravity of the situation became grossly apparent without much warning. I couldn’t go to uni, I couldn’t work in my studio… I was scrambling around putting shoots on hold and having no idea when they would actually happen.
I felt low… my anxiety was through the roof. You see, my trauma response to losing my fiancé in 2017 has been keep busy at all times. Now I couldn’t do this… all I could do was sit with these feelings while sterilising every inch of my home obsessively.
And it was while sat in my back garden… remember how beautiful the weather was?… and I looked across to the tree and thought:
”I would love to do a photoshoot within those lilics”
But I obviously had no one to photograph and the thought of picking up my camera, or even more so switching on my computer to edit, filled me with anxiety… it felt too much. But I had my iPhone.
The problem with the iPhone was the obvious restrictions.. I would have to hold the iPhone, the lens grossly distorts as it’s a 35mm lens pushed up close to your face (Yes you DONT look like that selfie… you look way way better believe me)
But I stepped into the lilics and spent around 20 minutes taking self portraits.
And it felt fun. It was fun working around the limitations of the iPhone… it was fun getting into the character.
This is the 1st shoot of many that I now feel ready to share here…
In that 20 minutes I got just one shot that I liked… but this changed the more self portraits that I did.
