Celebrate your mum/partner/daughter this Mother’s Day with a…..
4 hour experience of hair, makeup and photography…
A print of your choice…
*warning… this will make her feel like Beyoncé…
For just £200 (normally £300)
Say hello to book a gift that means more than just flowers
People buy from people, not things…
We are at a time where, for the first time in 2 years, teams are able to step away from the home laptop, and get back into the office…
update your team headshots, be proud of your business and achievements over the past couple of years
Sarah
The selfie is not real. Its not a tangible object, it is merely something that we as a culture has developed since the birth of the camera phone, which then led to social media being the platform it is today. Some people cringe at the selfie…some people LOVE a good selfie. For me, believe it or not, i’m not a total fan of creating the selfie…but you know when it happens and you feel good about it. Well that feeling is what I am a fan of for sure.
And I’m happy when I am conforming to current beauty standards.
I’m happy if my teeth look nice..
I’m happy if I get lots of likes and comments.
Because even through I’m educated in how the media distorts our image of beauty, I still feel the urge to conform to an impossible body type.
And addressing these issues over the last 12 month journey of self discovery and the selfie has been a bitter tough pill to swallow.
So I’m not here to bash the selfie….you know what I wish for? That more people would take pictures of themselves. That people would collect a bank of themselves and their lives. That having your picture taken is not for vanity, as this belief system is in the place of the idea that only people who think they look good would share a picture of themselves. We need to dismantle the belief that being happy in your skin and who you are is not vanity. Its self-love…its self-care. Fall in love with your life!
Right back to the post..
The selfie is not real…so how could I make it real. How could I create something that was real. This led me onto the Collage.
By deconstructing the images and text found in mass culture magazines, printing the iPhone selfies and then constructing new worlds that do not exist…if you want to see the truth, we need to pull apart the Status Quo.
Art or Forbidden?
This piece organically created itself from my research into the Male Gaze. Predominately artists who are studied and whose work hangs in galleries are male; and it was actually prohibited for the female to paint the female body as a naked form. So we are left with the narrative of the feminine form from the male point of view, this narrative still exists today….which you will see in advertising.
And this narrative is lazy stereotyping. The female used as a subject and object to tell the narrative in which the male wanted to communicate. He is the character, she is the object to help build the story of the character.
This narrative was then placed into two camps. Art or Forbidden. The art was naked women, studied, viewed, appreciated for the artists representation of the female form…and the forbidden? This is mass produced images for a mass audience. Both depict the female form…but you know…one is fine and the other is not.
Its Art darling! (tell me you hear the sarcasm…..??)
Early Morning Exit.
The wording is from a perfume advert. Encouraging, you the female, to be mysterious, alluring…..that you are not a whole, but again a sum of the parts of you. You are simply the smell on his pillow, your scent made you real, like you existed.
I will Cheerlead you down the wrong path…
I am “a fan of man” as the devil, John, said in the film Devils Advocate. Me, I’m a fan of the female, and as I say to all of my friends that ask for advice “if that will make you happy I will cheerlead you on…even if its down the wrong path, you’ve got support & love”
Because us girls have been taught to treat each other as competition for way too long, I will be your biggest fan…..
The Motorway.
Because there was a time when the Motorway was this incredible radical idea. What if one day being a feminist is no longer a radical thought? What if one day its not used as a slur to keep us quiet?
Pls Stop Crying…
Eve ate the apple, I guess its our own fault?
Every night I’m dancing with your ghost.
For my late fiancé….I miss you more than air. Until tonight my darling x
I appear Missing.
Because we are just parts.
“i hate the tops of my arms”
“I had the wrinkles on my forehead…”
“I hate…….”
The Abuse….
The abuse you have given to yourself….the abuse received by another….the utter pain….the idea to heal and forgive is a tough one and only a few can do so. If you are trying just know, I love You x
Mother Mary (unfinished)
And she sits with a halo of all the beautiful forms of the feminine, the human wonderfulness of her will love completely..
Still Relevant?
This lazy storytelling narrative of the feminine says that once you are over the age of 25, you are older now. Invisible, irrelevant. There are times where you are a MILF though…I mean thank the lord i’m still fuckable at 42!!
The internalised misogynism of the younger female buys into this belief system.
My 14 year old daughter will say “God mum….stop with the feminism”
Me…” when you’ve had another 20 years of the bullshite we can talk! until then, I things to say…I have experiences to share. Let me teach you what I wished someone had told me”
Because if you are 22 and not had any life experiences…the patriarchy can challenge her. CHALLENGE ME….challenge this 42 year old woman. Because a woman is not passed it at 25…she has barely bloody begun!
What a Doll.
Domestic abuse.
I’m on the Cover of a Magazine!!
When you isolate the headlines….this is the conversation magazines are having with us.
The collection…..
And now I need to decide how to display these images for my year end exhibition at Chester university…
So I have decided on two Triptychs.
Unfortunately there cannot be a physical show (i will share the information for the online show when it os live), but I will print these for the studio, as I would love to hold in my hands something that started as a selfie….
Standard Saturday.
I have to laugh…because this is my last self portrait shoot. Yes I did spend £70 on an outfit from LoveHoney….yes I probably will wear this again. I have no idea where or when…but I’m happy with my purchase and I’m sticking with it.
If you have stuck with me through this year supporting and giving ideas for self portrait shoots, i simply wish to say I love you…thank you from the bottom of my heart….
Be my Valentine….
It was Valentines day and I thought to buy myself Roses.
This was another idea from my wonderful followers…. I mean when was Jessica Rabbit going to make an appearance? Well….today is that day.
I purchased a dress from amazon, put my hair in rollers…..and here is my wonderfully sexual, awesome, amazing Jessica.
If you have had a photoshoot with me you will know I am obsessed with hands within images, and this was a great shot to practice and play with arm and hand placements within the shot. You know….ready for the day when I can photograph another…
On the 20th December 2020 it would have been my late fiancés 42 birthday.
I wanted to stay at home. I wanted to hide under my duvet.
But I decided instead to go and buy Rich a birthday cake and spend the day in the studio.
This was an idea suggested by a fellow widower. This comes from the idea that as widows’ we literally are rebirthed from the ashes.
Into a life we had no intention or desire to have to live and rebuild.
And the rebirth happens over and over and over. And the pain is still as guttural.
This was me having a bad grief day. I wanted to cover myself in ash for this shoot, to spend the day on this idea. But I just didn’t have the energy, all I had was the feeling that I was feeling at that moment. I was hurting, grief was biting harder than normal, it was my daughters 14th birthday the day before and I was angry that Rich had missed a 4th birthday. Angry he wasn’t here, I hurt because he was not here. I feel alone. I feel like I have to be strong and present for my girl….its her birthday. Each rebirth from the ashes hurts my heart some more.
I’m tired. I don’t want to rebirth again…..i just want to stand still for a minute.
So I did, and the sun burned in through the window and I stepped into the fire once more.
"Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves.
Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.
Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.
Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.
Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.
Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.
Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.
Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.
Just “be a lady” they said."
Author- Camille Rainville who has a blog called Writings of a Furious Woman. ❤
Subject, Viewer, Object.
This shoot was suggested by a fellow Red Shoe follower. And the idea was about the reflective self and what we see when we view ourselves this way.
And this was an incredibly odd experience. Let me explain why…
I am viewing myself as a reflection in the iPhone screen to take the selfie, and within that I can see my second reflection in the mirror. So I am posing myself for the iPhone and also looking at how that pose looks in the reflection in the mirror. And it was like this weird detachment from the self happening during the course of the shoot… it was surreal.
And made me think about how we as humans can detach from the self when taking selfie’s. What happens when we view ourselves as the third person?
I’m happy to say I talked my way through this and survived this surreal experience unmarked…
The story told is, the devil fell in love with Lilith, and she did not conform to God’s will and would not obey her husband Adam.
This shoot was suggested by an Instagram follower. Well Eve was….but I felt closer to Lilith. Adams 1st wife….the matriarch of the 1st wives club. The 1st woman who didn’t conform to the will of god or Adam. She was her own woman in her own right.
The devil was in love.
So God got rid of Lilith and replaced her with Eve, only Eve was the same likeness as Lilith. The devil was heartbroken. I think its fair to say it was not an apple he gave to Eve.
Lilith is the matriarch of the 1st wives club, the original woman who would not conform. This was what I wished to resonate with (I have also entered the 1st wives club twice…this is not new territory for me)
I grabbed some things from around the house, A crown to represent her Matriarch, The apple to represent her rebellion, The t-shirt to represent her standing up to Edam. I wanted quite a jungle feel to represent the garden of Eden, so included some plants and pulled shut the yellow curtains. Using just the ring light as my light source.
This was another impromptu shoot, again inspired by the strong winter window light but this time at home. I had a bunch of dying flowers, and the shadows cast on the floor from the much need to be watered palm plant, somehow, god knows how, made me think about the ageing woman.
When you are in your 20s and 30s you think that youth is with you forever. And you know it is! But society changes its view upon you. Suddenly you become irrelevant. Kids call you a boomer, even though you are generation X (the irony of the forgotten generation)
Instead of power, experience and sexual peak….
And its sad.
So i call this ageing flower and stretch marks.
as these are the things a woman will silently berate herself for while alone standing in front of a mirror
This was a impromptu shoot. I was at the studio, it was the end of the day, and i was looking at the strong winter light coming in through the window. I grabbed a net curtain and created this…..
This shoot was suggested to me by an Instagram follower… of course it was the fabulous Harley Quinn.
And this is my take on her….which I’m thinking wasn’t what people were expecting. I think people thought I would be the bad arse version, and for me, to resonate with this character I tapped into the love story.
You see, the jokers love sent her crazy….I think most women can resonate with this…right? And when he left her, he broke her heart. My beautiful late fiancés love and loss made me question my sanity at times. So this is my take on Harley Quinn. Would I want to revisit this shoot again….damn right! I would love to embrace the pure badassness of her. But for this shoot, this is what I felt….
The glitter shoot as suggested by an Instagram follower…
I spent £27 on glitter and paint. I spent three hours PAINTING myself in glitter…
and you know….this was the shoot that the iPhone just couldn’t photograph well. This shoot needed the big girl camera!
I mean we knew, possibly on some level that this may happen. The iPhone is not actually a camera…and if it was then we wouldn’t have the use for the fancy big girl camera. However, I do enjoy the challenge of the limitations of using an iPhone over the camera for these self portraits, and also showing the great results you can get with the iPhone…
But it just could not “pick up” the glitter in the shot… and I was pasted think with it!
Glitter really is the STI of the crafting world… I shall be finding glitter for weeks.
I think this self portrait shoot, to date, is my favourite!
This shoot is another Instagram suggested…. it was suggested to do an “opposite to the milk bath, a black bath shoot”
Which is genius! This is the Black Swan… the more confident darker self, the opposite to the softness of the milk bath…
I purchased a black bath bomb from amazon and waited patiently… even when my daughter could not be arsed to open the front door to the postman and I had to rearrange delivery… I was patient.
(anyone who knows me will know that is a total lie)
This was so much hard work to create, but that I was able to make the bath look like a lake in some of the images filled me with more joy than you would know (don’t judge… we’ve all been in lockdown)
I also realised I really need one of those grout pens and sort out those wall tiles in the bathroom!
This shoot is for my late Nan… and yes she was a bunny girl ❤️
I hope I did you proud Nan you ultimate queen you
You know, every single woman I have photographed here at Red Shoe has told me how utterly nervous they are before the shoot.
My reply would always be: This is completely normal…
And it is, if I had a penny for every message received questioning why the actual lord they were doing this to themselves… well I think I’d be on my own private beach now.
But you know.. bills to pay and hands to hold.
I mean I got it, but obviously I didn’t. I saw this beautiful incredible woman… every single woman, every one beautiful. What has she got to be nervous about?
In steps the universe with a much needed lesson…
Gary Hill (incredible photographer and friend) after seeing my self portraits asked if I would model for him..
Of course I said yes. I trust Gary completely to photograph me well… plus I had this incredibly personal shoot planned that I knew Gary would photograph honestly and beautifully.
This shoot was about my grief. It was about becoming a widow at 39….it was about how the world viewed me and how I viewed myself.
I wore the dress and shoes I had worn at Richs funeral. I wore his grey hoodie which I lived in after he passed…I wore his favourite white shirt and rosary beads which he placed around the house before he passed. I wore nothing but underwear because I needed to still feel like I was a woman… like a was still this feminine creature.
Im not sure if that makes sense. But it’s my truth.
And guess what..? I was so nervous I was actually shaking!!! Me?? I’ve been doing all these self portraits… I’m a photographer for gods sake… and there I stood shaking.
Gary: “if you was your client right now what would you be saying to her?”
Me: “You are beautiful… now get you head out of your arse and let me show you”
OK… I would never have been that harsh! I would have been beautiful about it. Offered her a cup of tea… talked through her fears. But I guess we don’t talk to ourselves as kindly as we talk to others.
I thought as to the why I was so nervous for a while after the shoot..and my conclusion is this…
I felt vulnerable. I felt utterly seen. And I was scared at what I would see.. would I like it? Was my internal dialogue right all along?
And when I saw the images… obviously I loved them! These images mean more to me than most will know. They will be images to remind me that despite it all. I’m still standing. I’m not the victim, I’m not going to sit and wonder why this happened. I’m the survivor. I move forward with Rich. With his love. With the beautiful time we had together. I’m going to miss Rich forever.
But I cant lose me too.
The next Instagram suggestion was a milk bath shoot. Used for this shoot was a pint of milk, and iPhone… a bath obviously…. and I treated myself to a phone stand with ring light that I clamped to a small table….
I went to Instagram and asked who I should recreate for the next self portrait…. and the vote came in as 1990s Kylie…
Recreating the makeup alone was both fun and horrendous…
