This was an idea suggested by a fellow widower. This comes from the idea that as widows’ we literally are rebirthed from the ashes.

Into a life we had no intention or desire to have to live and rebuild.

And the rebirth happens over and over and over. And the pain is still as guttural.

This was me having a bad grief day. I wanted to cover myself in ash for this shoot, to spend the day on this idea. But I just didn’t have the energy, all I had was the feeling that I was feeling at that moment. I was hurting, grief was biting harder than normal, it was my daughters 14th birthday the day before and I was angry that Rich had missed a 4th birthday. Angry he wasn’t here, I hurt because he was not here. I feel alone. I feel like I have to be strong and present for my girl….its her birthday. Each rebirth from the ashes hurts my heart some more.

I’m tired. I don’t want to rebirth again…..i just want to stand still for a minute.

So I did, and the sun burned in through the window and I stepped into the fire once more.